“Why is everything so heavy”- Chester Bennington 

Listening to music is like one of my personal  prayers I frequently do. Singing and just listening  helps me try to make sense of the world around me. What happens when the music and the prayers I feel are not helping?  When everything I feel is just heavy as I see this world? I am writing this the day after the events in Uvalde Texas, but these words have been stewing in my head for a long time in one form or another. It appeared when Roe vs Wade was repealed. It has appeared when I started to see Political Cartoons on my facebook wall that looked very similar to Nazi Propaganda. It appeared when reports of Russian forces were committing Genocide to the Ukrainian people. It constantly reappeared in my life. With Covid it came up. With everything, it has appeared. The world is going through alot of chaos. And it feels all so heavy.

It has gotten me to a point where I am losing sight of the beauty of this world. Losing the ability to see the love that humanity has to give. I struggle with the potential of the world but rather the harsh reality. And the reality is something has gone very wrong. As a man of faith, this bleeds into what I believe. And well.. Doubts come in. Doubts of my connection with Source. Of anyone’s connections of source. Of source itself. How can there be something so chaotic and have some sort of pattern. 

As I am writing this, I am in the new Birch Tree Sancturary. Looking at the Buddha and Christ Statues asking and looking for an answer. Listening to my music. Writing these words. Words of a man in faith struggling with the weight of this chaos. But I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes from a tv show that I love Angel; “If nothing we do matters. Then all that matters is what you do”. Joss Whedon wrote this line as an answer to the absurdity question; What do we do when the world around us is so Absurd. The answer is to make the meaning yourself. Understand that it is within us that brings meaning to this world.

 And I don’t know about you. But I want to spread love into this world. And that is what that matters. 

We still need to take the leap. To find the faith that this chaos will end. We struggle but we will prosper. We need to see the world as it could be as well as of what the world is. So when you find yourself lost in the meaning of this chaos; You are not alone. As we face the absurd. The chaos, we have to look towards it and move forward.

How do we regain the faith we lost; We understand that we never have lost it. 

So this prayer is written. For those with faith still going strong and for those whose faith is shaken by the events of the world. For the Religious, For the Spiritual, and for anyone who needs to hear these words. 

Bodhisattva Prayer for All Humanity

“May I be a guard for those who need protection,

a guide for those on the path,

a boat, a raft, a bridge for those who wish to cross the flood.

May I be a lamp in the darkness,

a resting place for the weary,

a healing medicine for all who are sick,

a vase of plenty, a tree of miracles.

And for the boundless multitudes of living beings,

may I bring sustenance and awakening,

enduring like the earth and sky

until all beings are freed from sorrow

and all are awakened.”

— Shantideva, Indian Buddhist sage 700 A.D.